I am in the process of getting a new cell phone, probably a Samsung Galaxy 12 or whatever is out right now. I am pretty content with what I have now, but the more that people tell me that my phone is ancient, the more I am starting to realize it. Cracked screen, slowed applications, errors sending messages, etc. Men are always reluctant to change, at least in my family. I am very stubborn to change, especially in the electronic form. In college, I used a laptop that I held together with duck tape. FOR A YEAR. In order to get the screen out of it’s blurry mood, I had to shove a pen in between the gap from the keyboard and the screen.
So it’s probably time for a new phone. I have been going through this old phone saving things: notes, dick pictures, and numbers. I’ve been sifting through my apps as well, my free flashlight application (because why would I pay for it?) on my phone has access to EVERYTHING. My contacts, my pictures, my fucking location. WHY DOES A FLASHLIGHT NEED TO KNOW MY LOCATION? What is it going to send help every time use it?
POLICE: Mr. Virzi, is everything alright in there?
MITCH: Yeah, I just dropped a quarter underneath the couch. Found it!
What if it is the exact opposite? What if they are planning an attack on me? They know that the only time I would ever use a flashlight is if I’m in a vulnerable position, whether I’m walking in the dark or contorting my body into a cinnamon bun trying to reach the remote in between my futon. The flashlight people could be plotting something. I could be reaching for my car keys in between the passenger seat, next thing you know I feel the cold barrel of a gun on the back of my head, and a warm voice whispers in my ear:
FLASHLIGHT DOUCHE: You just had to get the free version, didn’t you?! GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!
I am paranoid that my phone knows everything that I am doing. I am reluctant to put addresses in my GPS because I don’t want it to know where I’m going. Just me? I think it is terrifying the amount of information that we volunteer out into the air simply for convenience. Sure I’ll forfeit my location to get a free snowcone, what’s the worst that could happen? Have you ever seen the movie Taken!?!? Yeah, maybe I’ll just get a flip phone and stay off the grid. Image may be NSFW.
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Image may be NSFW.
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Image may be NSFW.
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Image may be NSFW.
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Image may be NSFW.
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Image may be NSFW.
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